National Adoption Awareness Month: Lauren’s Adoption Wish

November is Adoption Awareness Month – Has Adoption affected your life?  

Here is a story from my best friend Lauren and her husband Jared.  Thank you for sharing your story!

Our choice to adopt.

Without getting into too much detail, my husband and I were
unable to get pregnant. This is not something that we have been told will never
happen. Just something that might take a lot of time. Or as everyone who has
been pregnant will tell someone who wants to get pregnant, “It is all in God’s
time”. Don’t get me wrong, I hope that is true. My faith has brought me this
far in life and I hold on it will keep me going! Here is the thing though. We
are ready to start a family.

When I was young I always pictured myself adopting. When I
got married I was lucky enough to marry a man who was compassionate and
understood that desire. He was always on board with the idea. We both thought
we would have a child biologically then adopt. What is that expression? Tell God
your plans and He laughs. Something like that I am sure. We tried, we saw
doctors, we cried, I screamed and yelled. One day after a particularly long
time of being ‘okay’ with the thought that it might just take years, I thought
why? Why did we have to wait? We are in a great relationship, we work, have a
home, and are stable. We are not rich but we are wealthy in friends, family,
love, and support. So why did we need to wait.

In my state there is a program called The Call. It is run by
DHS and it a state organized and supported way to adopt. Currently we are in
the middle of the program. I am going to share what it takes to adopt. Trust me
it was not what I thought it would be. But, my babies/baby will be able to say
we sure did want them because we are working so hard!

First, you sign up and attend a meeting that happens weekly
through DHS. You fill out a stack of paper work, they run a background check,
you get fingerprinted, and a DMV check happens. Next you are put on a list of
people to alert when the classes start. The program is called PRIDE. This is a
program a lot of states are using. It consists of 9 sessions. Some are all day,
some are a few hours, each is eye opening. These classes discuss everything
from the types of abuse the children have potentially been through to bonding
with children placed in your home. You have a mountain of paperwork, homework,
and reading material. Once this is completed you start your series of home
study visits. During this time someone comes to your home (for hours at a time)
and looks at your child safety locks, looks in your nightstand and dresser
drawers, they go through your house to ensure safety, and they even check
outside and in the garage. Then they start the Q&A portion. If you think
there is something to shameful or embarrassing be aware they ask about it. From
your sex life to the way you were disciplined as a child, everything is
relevant to them.

Please do not get me wrong. As long as the process is and as
stressful as it can but. There is nothing I would not do to ensure the safety
of a child coming to my home. As a woman I look at my small home and think they
will come in and judge me. We don’t have matching anything because we love to
mix things up. Is my house clean enough? Am I saying the best and most correct
things? Women…we put a lot of pressure on ourselves. So, it has been a blessing
to have family and friends right beside us during the process.

Once the home study is complete they will determine how many
times they need to return. If there was anything unsafe or anything we need to
work on they give us time and will come back and double check things. Then once
all that is complete we fill out more paper work about what kind of child we
want. The age, sex, race, and how many children are just some of the things we
will put down on paper to give them an idea of what to approach us about. If we
make our list to narrow we run the risk of waiting a very long time. We have
decided to be pretty open.

Then we wait. 

Once a child is placed in our home we will
have weekly home checks for a month, monthly home checks for five months, and
if everything is going well at six months we can go to court and make the
adoption legal. I am sure there is something I am leaving out. The process is
long, detailed, and nothing moves as fast as your heart hopes it does. But, as
my husband has said, there is something good about it all taking time. 

It has
changed our hearts and made us more open. This program has taught us about some
of the reasons children end up in the foster care system. Some are exactly what
you think, abuse, neglect, death of family. Some are not anything you would
think in your wildest dreams. These children will have gone through more in
their short life than some adults can even process.