It happened to us, and if
you’re reading this article, it probably happened to you too. Maybe it went
like this: you and your husband dated for a time, and back then, love,
attraction, and passion ruled the day. Then you married and this beautiful
deepening of your friendship took place, though there was still plenty of passion
to go around and keep things exciting. Then you dug into your careers. Then
you had kids. Then you looked up one day
and realized things had changed. Your entire marriage revolved around anything
and everything but passion. You and
your husband had become roommates raising children together, paying bills
together, and it broke your heart.
Maybe
you’ve despaired that the spark you once shared with your spouse will never
come back. Maybe you’ve begun letting your eyes wander, wondering if you should
look beyond your marriage for fulfillment.
We
understand. We’ve been there too. And we’re here to tell you that there is
hope. You and your significant other can reignite that spark. All it takes is
willingness, time, a bit of work, and some good advice. And that’s what we’re
here for: to offer you our best advice for keeping that spark alive.
1. Practice active listening. Remember when you used to hang on every
word he said to you? Whether it was the simple details of his workday or the
deepest longings of his heart, you listened carefully, you engaged, and you
showed him how much you cared. How about now? Your mind is on ten different
things when he talks to you. Right? No wonder you’re practically strangers now.
Start listening actively and rediscover who each of you really are. And start
asking questions again. There’s no better way to show interest (and to feel
interest, too) than to ask questions in response to whatever your husband is
saying.
2. Share physical affection. No, we don’t necessarily mean sex. Your
marriage might be too cold, too distant right now for that. We mean holding
hands while you’re out together. Haven’t done that in a while? Feels awkward?
Get over it. Sometimes you have to fake it until you make it. There once was a time
when it was nearly impossible to separate you two. You’re out of the habit now,
but that doesn’t mean you can’t get back there. The mind and the heart often
follow the body’s lead, so hold hands and give each other hugs several times a
day. Remember that TV series you both watched together years ago and loved?
Order it as a box
set of DVDs and cuddle
on the couch under a comfy blanket while you watch the series and
relive old times. Consistently share touch in these ways and you’ll feel tenderer
towards one another, and this will reverberate across your entire relationship.
Keep it up and it won’t be long before passions ignite and you’ll both want to
up the stakes.
3. Truly celebrate each other. Birthdays, holidays, wedding anniversaries: these
are all opportunities to show your man how much he means to you by giving him a
thoughtful gift that truly speaks to who he is. For instance, choose anniversary
gifts for him that he’ll be over the moon
for, like personalized beer steins and a subscription to a beer of the month
club (if he’s into beer, that is). Really consider his interests and make
gift-giving extra special. Furthermore, get him little gifts for no reason. A
little surprise here and there can really make one’s day. He’s likely to
reciprocate this as well.
4. Look good for each other.
Now, we’re not necessarily talking about hitting the gym every day and becoming
a supermodel (though a little exercise and a healthy diet go a long way towards
looking good and feeling good). What we really mean is this: back when you two
were dating, you always wanted to look
your best for him. You wanted to blow him
away, and not only did that attract him to you, but it made him feel good. He
knew you cared about him because you took time to look
good for him. And vice versa. So, what changed?
Careers and kids wear you out so much you can barely think at the end of the
day let alone spruce yourself up for your husband. We understand, and we agree
that your husband should love you just as much when you’re in your comfy pants as
when you’re decked to the nines. However, a few days a week, you should make it
a point to show him you still care about keeping the spark alive by showing
yourself to be spark-worthy.
So, there you have it. Some
of our best tips for reigniting that fading spark in your marriage. Before you
despair, try these tips with your husband. You’ll be surprised just how fast
that spark can return.
What are your tips for Keeping The Spark Alive in your relationship?
WE are at the age that a lot of our friends are splitting up after 10-14 years of marriage. We have been trying to get away without the kids once or twice a year…
You are so right! Hubby and I just celebrated 7 years of marriage. And 3 kids later (and my daughter) and the stresses of life just get in the way. We are so tired by the time we go to bed that we just roll over with a "good night". We try to take a weekend away at least once a year and we still hug kiss and grab each others butt from time to time. It isn't worse then it used to be before children and life, just different. I love him so much more for the father he has become.
We celebrate 11 years of marriage (together longer!) in December and it's not always easy. We do our best to go on dates and I try to always look like I care about myself when it comes to my appearance. We "Date" when we can and … it's just tough with 3 kids. 😀
This is my life right now. The hubs schedule and mine conflict so bad that sometimes we are just ships in the night. It is hard. Hoping that we can find our groove again soon
Great post and so true!!
Every couple goes through something similar at one point or another. The key is communication and being open with each other.
WE are at the age that a lot of our friends are splitting up after 10-14 years of marriage. We have been trying to get away without the kids once or twice a year…
You are right about really celebrating. Nothing hurts feelings as much as a forgotten anniversary or birthday. They need to be prioritized.
You are so right! Hubby and I just celebrated 7 years of marriage. And 3 kids later (and my daughter) and the stresses of life just get in the way. We are so tired by the time we go to bed that we just roll over with a "good night". We try to take a weekend away at least once a year and we still hug kiss and grab each others butt from time to time. It isn't worse then it used to be before children and life, just different. I love him so much more for the father he has become.
Great tips! I've been married for 23 years and our secret is remembering to still date your spouse. You've hit on all the important stuff.
We celebrate 11 years of marriage (together longer!) in December and it's not always easy. We do our best to go on dates and I try to always look like I care about myself when it comes to my appearance. We "Date" when we can and … it's just tough with 3 kids. 😀
This is my life right now. The hubs schedule and mine conflict so bad that sometimes we are just ships in the night. It is hard. Hoping that we can find our groove again soon